Each morning as I read and pray I find great desire and passion for the life God is calling me to. Then something tragic happens, I close the book, I open my eyes and the rest of the day engages. As the day wares on I find myself living less out of that passion and desire and more toward getting by. As the day comes to a close I am left to lay in bed and ponder the fact that yet another day has passed and I have failed to live out the passion and desire which rests so deep in my soul.
As you might guess I have spent many hours, days, weeks and even months trying to figure out the gap between actions and desires. The struggle is intensified by the fact that I am filling my days with activities that have meaning and positive consequence. I could almost handle the dissonance if I were wasting the days away on the meaningless and trivial. I feel however the events of my day make a difference in the Kingdom of God and the lives of those who I interact with. Still there is something with in me that is propelling me to more. Not more items on the schedule, but to something more than what I am currently doing. Again the difficulty is what I am doing in not bad or unimportant.
So what is it that I feel a passion and desire to do? I am very hesitant to even write it for two reasons, first putting it in on this blog can bring about dangerous conviction. Second, the passion and desire feels arrogant, and in fact is arrogance if it is not God who is calling, urging and longing for me to take this direction. So here goes. I am passioned and have a desire to have a ministry of writing and speaking. I do some of this now but what I am talking about is a full-time ministry of writing books and articles and traveling around the globe speaking and teaching. Ultimately helping people travel on this journey of life in an ever-increasing connection with God.
I would appreciate your input on this. Please drop a comment here on the blog, or an e-mail to email@example.com