Saturday, August 16, 2008

Not Jumping

I want to go back to the topic of fear. I am amazed how much I allow fear to influence or even make my decisions for me. Some of the fear is external, or should I say fear of what my decisions will mean for those I love. The biggest fear, and the hardest to deal with is the internal fear. More directly, do I have what it takes to accomplish what God has put in front of me. As I have mentioned I feel like God is calling me to be a speaker, preacher and writer. The fear question is, do I really have anything to say? Are there people who would actually pay to hear what I have to say? Who am I that I would have anything to teach to other people? Lots and lots of questions.

This is normally where I start to share some of the breakthrough on the rant of the opening paragraph. Not today. I have no real answers or insight. I do not have a fancy words of trivial ideas on how to get by this fear. All I have is the resounding question, "Do I trust God with my whole life?" Meaning, am I allowing temporal, or earthly things, to control the decisions before me? In my office I have a quote on the wall from the book Entrepreneurial Faith by Walt Kallestad and Kirbyjon Caldwell that says, "If you can't jump brave, jump scared." I am having trouble jumping.

I could rationalize my trouble jumping, but that is all it would be. It is a matter of when will I do what I need to take the chance I need to take.

1 comment:

Jeanie said...

Aaron,
I think that the dilemma might be that you don't want to jump irresponsibly and as you struggle with jumping at all, in my opinion your thought process is admirable. I pray that as you continue to seek God that He will open up doors for you. That He will confirm and convict you in your spirit and give you His wisdom and courage to know when and where to take the leap!